


The pain he feels it eats at him but she knows he never wanted this

by Mad_Hatt3r



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-09 01:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17397206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Hatt3r/pseuds/Mad_Hatt3r
Summary: “There was a crash and I don’t know what to do and Mum-, Mum won’t wake up Ness”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a rough draft I found on my phone when I was editing ‘Oh to be a Mama’s boy’ 
> 
> I think I jotted this down pre Bails but then lost confidence in it so in all honesty I thought it had been deleted. 
> 
> After recently taking the ‘Vanity’ writing plunge and getting such a positive response I’ve given it a few tweaks and decided to just post it hopefully some of you will like it!

“Hi Noah” 

Her voice is slightly breathless and Vanessa curses herself for allowing the nerves, that rose instantly in response to the caller ID, to bleed out into her voice. She doesn’t want Noah to realise just how on edge she feels when dealing with his moody teenage self, especially not quite so early in their already strained relationship. She’s 99% sure he would use her fear to his advantage.

She’s actually surprised to see that it’s Noah calling her it’s only recently Charity had insisted on him having her number in case of emergencies. Noah had scoffed at the suggestion but after Charity’s relentless pestering in the end he had relented, reluctantly stabbing the number into his phone even as he still insisted he would never use it. 

“N, Ness-?” 

The nerves surge instantly at the sound of her nickname choked out, the word sounding broken and alien from Noah. She stops in the middle of packing her car up to concentrate fully on the teenager she is hoping to get to build a better relationship with. 

“Noah? Noah what’s wrong?” 

He’s fourteen all gangly limbs and an ever deepening voice. He’s styling his hair into permanent bed head style and driving Charity mental with his incessant grunting instead of conversation. Her little boy is growing up and her girlfriends not taking it as well as she maybe thought she would. His emotions are usually guarded and reserved as all teenage boys are; Vanessa has never heard him sound like this before. In fact their usual interactions are practically none existent, sarcastic quips and shoulder shrugs, he’s not been shy when letting her know exactly how he feels about spending time with her. 

Noah doesn’t respond to her question she can hear him sniffing into the receiver and she continues to speak in the hope it will prompt him to respond. 

“Did Charity not turn up?” 

She can’t imagine why this would cause this much upset but she keeps her tone concerned so as not to offend him. The relationship between mother and son is currently strained and fractious, Joe Tate has manipulated old wounds to his advantage on either side, his disappearance has only caused more strain and Ryan’s presence hasn’t helped. Vanessa has listened to Charity rant and rave, heard their raised voices in the morning before Noah inevitably storms off to school leaving Charity looking hurt and bewildered until the mask is firmly reaffixed for the outside world. 

Charity had insisted on picking Noah up from football practice desperate to try and spend some time alone with her middle son. Noah had seemed receptive and Vanessa sent up a silent prayer hoping Charity had not stood up her own boy at the school gates. 

“No, no Mum’s here, she’s here Ness, she’s here” 

His speech is rapid and garbled and the fear that’s rising up in her throat feels as though it’s strangling her. 

“Noah I need you to tell me what’s happening right now ok? Why did you phone me?” 

It takes a couple of minutes for Noah to compose himself to speak but when he does Vanessa’s blood runs cold. 

“There was a crash and I don’t know what to do and Mum-, Mum won’t wake up Ness” 

She can’t answer, can’t get past the whine of panic ringing in her ears that Noah’s words have brought upon her. She’s struggling to believe what she’s hearing, her brain not willing to cooperate. 

“I don’t know what to do there’s no one here and she needs help Ness, please you gotta help” 

Noah’s panicking and she forces herself to focus on this instead of the image of a lifeless Charity that her brain is currently terrifying her with. 

“Noah where are you?” 

“On the cut through just off the main road out of Hotten” 

It doesn’t help narrow it down, the country road is long and winding, she needs something more. 

“Look around you Noah what’s nearby? I need to know exactly where you are” 

“We’ve hit the gate into one of the farms, I think it’s the one where you had to help birth the triplets” 

Relief washes over Vanessa along with a surge of pride as she realises that Noah actually was listening to her the other morning over breakfast. Nervous at being left at the table alone, Charity had gone to sign for a delivery, Vanessa had launched into the tale of her last middle of the night callout before her suspension. After talking solidly for what felt like hours she tried not to be dismayed at the occasional grunt that she had received in reply from her girlfriends son. 

“McFaddens! That’s brilliant Noah” 

The initial elation at knowing where Noah and Charity are is replaced once more with dread. The bend before the entryway to McFaddens is notorious. On a blind sharp corner the gated entrance is set back down a steep decline. The practice 4x4 has no issue navigating the difficult track but if this is where Charity’s Peugeot has come off the road and at speed she imagines the car is now in no fit state to drive. 

“What are you going to do?” 

“I’m going to call 999 and then I’m coming I promise” 

“Oh, ok” 

The relief in his voice makes her want to cry they are both scared and yet both trying to sound as if they are not equally terrified at the fact that Charity is hurt. It then dawns on Vanessa that she’s never asked whether Noah’s ok and she suddenly feels awful. 

“Noah are you alright? Is anything hurting?”

“No, No I’m fine. Will you call me back straight away Ness?” 

“Course I will” 

“Promise?” 

“I promise, now look after your mum and i’ll speak to you in a moment” 

—————————————————————-

“Mum? Mum come on wake up Ness is coming, it’s gonna be fine” 

Noah leans forward angling his body so that he can try and reach for his mum. Now that the initial shock has worn off and his panicked reaction of calling Vanessa is done he’s beginning to fully take in his surroundings. The damage is mainly to the drivers side, the windscreen is cracked and inverted, the bonnet completely crumpled and he can see white smoke swirling into the frigid air. Quickly he does a mental check of his own self although he had told Vanessa he was ok he didn’t actually know if he was or not. Gingerly he shakes out both arms and legs, wincing when he feels a sharp pain in his left shoulder. Seatbelt, he thinks, as he touches his chest already feeling the bruise that will be forming. Ignoring the aches for now Noah clicks the seatbelt button and immediately moves forwards. Her head is angled away from him, her body slumped towards the right, he needs to see her, needs to see if he can help in any way. 

Carefully moving forwards he reaches for her face and turns her head slowly. There’s a deep cut across her right eyebrow which is oozing blood and he knows this is probably why she’s currently unconscious. His hands start to shake and he can feel the tears pricking the corners of his eyes, she’s his Mum and he’s frightened, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her so still. 

“I rang Ness Mum she said she’ll come straight away” 

He keeps tight hold of her left hand, it’s warmth bringing a certain amount of comfort which is stopping his panic from becoming too out of control. 

“I know what I said before but I know deep down you do really like her and I’m sorry for what I said Mum” 

The arguments from the past few weeks are hitting him hard as he looks at his mother’s still form. He wishes he could take it all back, the hurt he knows he’s caused her. She had been so upset before, more upset than he has ever seen her. The tear tracks are still visible on her cheeks and it suddenly hits him with a wave of nausea that this is his fault. She had been distracted by the harsh words he had thrown at her, intent on causing her pain rather than listening to her. Every spiteful thing he could think of he had thrown at her, how she was just using Vanessa, she didn’t care about Debbie, him or Moses that she could never love anyone when she only cared about herself. 

“Wake up Mum please” 

His voice breaks and wavers he feels as young and naive as Moses when he cries out Mummy in the night, convinced there’s monsters in his room. His mum always laughs and makes a big thing of checking the wardrobe and under the bed before soothing Moses with soft words “No monster is scarier than me babe, they won’t dare come for you when they know I’m your Mum” 

A faint moan disturbs his thoughts and he turns to hear his mum let out another low pained groan although she doesn’t move and her eyes do not flicker. Scanning over her quickly Noah can see that her legs are also trapped under the steering wheel and the drivers door has caved inwards, pressing into her side. Fear rises once more as he realises that they are going to have to somehow get her out of the car and it dawns on him how stupid he has been. 

Noah tries the passenger door and it opens albeit sluggishly he can hear the metal groaning but he pushes harder so that he can try and get to the main road try and see if there’s anyone to help. 

“I’m coming back alright I’m not leaving you” 

He feels like it’s important to tell his mum that he’s not running away that he will come back for her. He squeezes her hand tightly seeking comfort from her touch for a moment longer before he bolts out of the car and up the dirt track to the road before he changes his mind. The cut through is always empty he knows it isn’t as popular as the main road but he prays that someone, anyone will be passing. A loud ringing cuts through the air and it takes a moment a moment for him to realise it’s his phone. Snatching it out of his hoody he feels his lips quirk into a smile when he sees that’s it’s Vanessa. 

“You called back” 

“Of course I did I promised didn’t I?” 

She sounds so genuinely confused that it makes Noah suddenly see his mother’s girlfriend in a different light. A promise kept means a lot to him considering how many have been broken over his lifetime. Everybody made promises but they also easily broke them too, oh there was always a good excuse, but still they remained broken. 

“There is an ambulance and a fire engine on its way to you Noah and I’ve just got into the car” 

His relieved breath turns to deep shame as he thinks on Vanessa’s words, loathing burns low in his chest and he feels so disappointed with himself that the tears are filling his eyes up once again. 

“Noah are you still there?” 

Vanessa’s voice echoes and crackles letting him know that she must be using the hands free kit he has seen in her car. The fact that Vanessa has managed to call for help and get herself on the road to them in such a short time just highlights his own failings and he struggles not to yell with frustration. 

“Noah?” 

“I called you” 

“I’m pretty sure I phoned you?” 

“We needed help and I called you” 

“Oh! Well yes, you did, yes” 

Vanessa is obviously confused but trying not to appear so and it irks Noah that he has to spell it out to her. 

“She’s trapped in that car unconscious and bleeding and I panicked! I should have called 999 straight away instead I freaked out like a baby and called you!” 

He’s yelling, can hear his voice echoing in the empty fields but now he’s started he can’t stop the rage that’s taken over. He knows it’s an outlet for the fear that he cannot escape from but it doesn’t stop him shouting into his phone. 

“She’s hurt and in pain Vanessa and it’s all my fault!” 

The tears have finally fallen coursing down his cheeks he bites down hard on his hand trying to stifle the sobs that are fighting desperately to escape. 

“Noah are you still in the car?” 

He can’t answer, his throat is still thick with emotion and he furiously shakes his head trying to will away the fear that almost feels choking. 

“Noah?”

“No I’m on the road I was trying to find help” 

“Go back to Charity and I’ll be there in 10 minutes” 

Her voice is still calm and soft and Noah can’t believe that she isn’t angry and disgusted. 

“Vanessa did you hear what I said?” 

“Yes Noah and right now the most important thing is making sure Charity is not left on her own. So I need you to calm down, stop blaming yourself and go to your Mum” 

He nods and shakily runs back to the car, as he clambers in he keeps the phone to his ear so that he can still hear Vanessa. It’s a comfort knowing he’s not alone. When he looks to Charity he notices instantly she’s paler than before with a thin sheen of sweat across her forehead. Her brow is furrowed and she’s whimpering slightly. 

“Mum?” 

Her eyelids twitch but they don’t open and he tries again but this time he takes her hand back into his. 

“Mum? It’s me Noah” 

Slowly her eyes flutter and Noah can feel himself holding his breath when finally green eyes meet his own and he almost feels lightheaded with relief. 

“Mum!” 

“N, N, Noah?” 

Her voice is hoarse and weak but she’s talking to him and that’s all he wants is for her to keep talking to him. 

“I’m here Mum and I’m ok you don’t need to worry” 

She looks at him dazed and confused for a moment until he can see the realisation of what’s happened hit her in the way her body tenses and her expression becomes fearful. 

“Noah ... babe ... you hurt?” 

“I’m fine Mum, I’m fine and you’re going to be fine too. Ness is coming with help and it’s all going to be alright” 

Relief washes over her face for a moment before a tear rolls down her cheek as she grimaces and Noah squeezes her hand tightly, again to try and keep her distracted. 

“Hurts... like a ... bitch”

Her eyes are fluttering and Noah knows deep down that for his mum to admit this weakness means she must be in a considerable amount of pain. Her breath hitches and she whimpers her grip tightening around his fingers before becoming slack as she closes her eyes. 

“Vanessa?!” 

“Noah hold the phone to your mums ear” 

He does as instructed watching in awe as Charity slowly opens her eyes her lips pulling into a small smile as she breathes Vanessa’s name into the phone. The smile lasts for a few more seconds as she listens to Vanessa’s voice before she winces violently, her eyes sliding shut again as she gasps in pain. 

“Charity stay awake for me I know it hurts but Noah needs you babe” 

Noah can hear the tremble in Vanessa’s voice even through the receiver and his eyes dart around wildly. Straining his ears he can just about make out the sound of sirens and he feels almost giddy when he recognises that they are getting closer.

“Mum can you hear that they are coming” 

He takes the phone away from her and repeats the news to Vanessa. 

“I’m five minutes away Noah don’t worry” 

Before he can answer his phone cuts out and he curses as the empty battery icon flashes once before the screen turns black. 

“No-ah” 

“Yeah?” 

“Love ... you” 

She’s looking straight at him with tears in her eyes and although it terrifies him Noah leans forward pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

“I love you too” 

She’s smiling at him and it’s so warm and full of love that his throat constricts and his chest seizes. He can’t remember the last time she looked at him quite like that.

“I really do ok and I’m sorry for being so horrible” 

“Truth babe ... I’m bad ... Mum” 

“No, no you're not” 

She nods with sorrowful eyes and he wants to make the sadness go away. He doesn’t like this conversation he’s frightened of what it means. 

“I’ll be good ok? I promise no more arguments, me and you against the world like old times yeah? You just have to promise to stay awake until the ambulance gets here alright?” 

He means it if he gets to keep his mum then he’ll happily trade everything else in his life with no hesitation. 

“Tell Moses ... Debs .... love .... too... an-”

Her breathing’s becoming more laboured but the sirens are getting louder and louder and Noah just prays they will arrive in time.

“They’re coming Mum can you hear them? Just hold on for me ok?” 

She smiles again softly, holding his gaze before her eyes slide shut and she becomes still once again. 

“Mum? .... please don’t leave me Mum ... please” 

He’s crying now ugly desperate cries as white noise rings in his ears just as a paramedic appears at the side of him. He can’t remember anything else, only knows that he isn’t in the car anymore when Vanessa is standing in front of him holding his shoulders comfortingly and he’s wrapped in a foil sheet. 

“You’ve done so well Noah” 

“What if she dies?” 

The stricken look on Vanessa’s face makes him want to take the words back, he goes to apologise but Vanessa’s beats him to it her face shining with determination. 

“Your mother is a fighter and also the most stubborn cow I’ve ever met if anyone will be fine it’s Charity Dingle” 

He realises suddenly that all he can hear is silence and he turns his head just in time to see them loading his Mum on a stretcher, the firemen moving their machinery away. She’s got an oxygen mask affixed to her face and her hair has been turned red with blood all across the left side of her head. His stomach lurches at the sight. 

“We’re going to take Ms Dingle to Hotten General”

“We’ll follow you, Noah needs to be checked over and I’d rather he came with me so that he has an appropriate adult with him” 

Vanessa’s voice is all authority and he’s pleased when the paramedic quickly agrees.  
As the doors to the ambulance shut Noah reaches for Vanessa’s hand, grateful when she holds on tightly, and sends up a silent prayer that this isn’t the last time he sees his mother alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked so I thought well after all the lovely comments I would deliver :)

Vanessa can hear the raised voice of Noah the moment she enters the corridor towards the A&E department. She had gone to get herself a coffee after trying and failing to get through to Debbie’s mobile. The most frustrating thing about hospitals is the lack of phone reception but even standing in the ambulance bay doesn’t make Debbie answer the phone. Instead she has been forced to leave a message which wasn’t sitting well with her, how do you tell someone their mother has been seriously injured in a car accident via voicemail. 

Hurrying back towards the side room that’s currently housing a scared, angry teenager Vanessa takes a deep breath before letting herself in. 

“She’s my mum!”

“Noah we have contacted your sister who hopefully will be arriving shortly. We will then be able to divulge full details on your mother’s condition to her” 

Noah opens his mouth ready to continue arguing but Vanessa cuts in swiftly hoping to try and diffuse the situation “I’ve also left a message for Debbie I’m hoping she’s on her way” 

“It’s ridiculous she’s my mum too and you won’t even tell me whether she’s going to be ok!” 

He’s perched on the edge of the bed, his left arm in a sling. It’s a precaution to prevent further damage but it’s a reminder that Noah did not come away unscathed. Vanessa also feels a small sense of relief for Noah it could have been so much worse. 

“It’s hospital procedure to provide information to next of kin only which in your mother’s case is Deborah Dingle, you are still a minor which means we cannot discuss anything with you” 

The nurse is obviously trying hard to be sympathetic and patient but there’s an undertone of frustration in her voice and it raises Vanessa’s hackles. What Noah has been through today is not to be taken lightly. Although she does not have much in the way of solid details it does not take much to imagine the horror that is still going through the teenagers head. Vanessa’s own stomach is churning with nerves so she fully empathises with Noah. Being Charity’s girlfriend brings her a security to their relationship that has made her incredibly happy but in this situation it counts for nothing. She can shout, scream and demand but it will get her nowhere. Charity could be dead and she wouldn’t know until Debbie arrived. It’s a fear that’s making her hands shake and she shoves them in her pockets trying to hide it from Noah. 

“Noah-“

“Don’t bother if you cared about Mum at all you too would be demanding answers not standing there pathetically. You obviously couldn’t give a shit if she lived or died!” 

The words knock the breath from her, winding her as though she has been physically punched. Vanessa blinks hard trying to stop the tears from falling that are building in her eyes. Noah’s ears flush and he turns his head away from her although he doesn’t say anything else. 

“How can you say that?” 

Her voice hitches and trembles but she doesn’t care, she knows Noah doesn’t think much of her but to think that she doesn’t care about Charity is a step too far. She’s trying not to take it personally, Noah’s indifference. She knows, from Charity and Debbie, it’s more about how he doesn’t want to get attached to yet another adult who say they’ll stick around but don’t. It’s not easy to ignore though when his eyes burn with distrust and his words wound so deeply. The door opens before either of them can continue and Vanessa lets out a breath that she didn’t even realise she’s been holding when Debbie steps through the door. 

“Noah?!” 

Debbie flies past her as she reaches for her brother, concern clear in her gestures as her hands grasp at his face so that she can look at him fully. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah I’m fine I’m -“ 

“Is Mum alright? Where is she?” 

Debbie looks around the room as though expecting to see Charity lounging against the wall, arms crossed cool and unruffled just like when she’s standing behind the bar in The Woolpack. Vanessa wishes that this was the case, would do anything for Charity to just have a couple of bumps and bruises that would be laughed about on the way home. 

“Deborah Dingle?” 

Debbie turns to face the doctor who has appeared in the doorway, the worry and fear in her posture replaced by distrust as she scowls slightly in response. 

“Yes that’s me” 

“Could you come with me please?” 

Debbie stands her ground, her eyes tightening with ire at being told what to do. Its an inbuilt trait one that Vanessa has seen all too often in one Charity Dingle. 

“You are listed as your mother’s next of kin, now please there is much I’d like to discuss”

“Is she alright?”

The worry colours her tone although her posture is still uninviting. 

“If you could follow me to my office I can then provide you with a full update-“

“Why cant you just tell me here?” 

Vanessa has never heard Debbie sound small but she does right now, her hands are fidgeting nervously and there’s a slight waver to her voice. Vanessa knows though that no matter how hard this is going to be for Debbie she needs to hear the truth regarding Charity. With her and Noah in the room this won’t happen. 

“Debbie love you need to go find out what’s happening, I’ll stay here with Noah and we’ll wait until you return” 

She smiles encouragingly and makes sure her voice is gentle but firm. For a moment she thinks her girlfriend’s only daughter is going to refuse, argue with her and her gentle reasoning. But instead Debbie just sags, the fight leaving her frame portraying a fragility that makes Vanessa hurt with her. 

“Ok” 

Vanessa makes sure to keep the smile on her face, even though it almost hurts to do so, until Debbie has left the room. As soon as she watches the door click shut she too allows the mask to fall, the worry once more taking hold causing her body to tremble. 

“Vanessa?” 

Noah’s voice is meek, apologetic and Vanessa can’t hold a grudge against him for his earlier harsh words, not when he sounds so scared. Instead she pulls on the mask and smiles as she comes to sit on the bed next to Noah taking his hand in hers.

“Now we wait” 

————————————————————

“Noah’s asleep” 

“Good at least one of us will get some rest” 

Debbie nods wearily as she slumps into the seat next to her. The hard plastic is not at all comfortable but it didn’t matter to Vanessa. She knew she would not be able to sleep even if she tried. 

“Do you need to leave for Johnny?” 

“No Tracy has him so I’m staying” 

Debbie seems surprised at her harsh tone before her face softens “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it to sound as if I thought you should leave” 

Vanessa let’s her temper ease away and she gives Debbie a small smile. 

“I’m actually quite glad to have you here” 

Debbie is looking anywhere but her to avoid meeting her gaze but Vanessa is touched by the words, although they get along it’s more in the way of acquaintances than any real familial connection. 

“Its going to be ok Debbie” 

“I just keep thinking about Sarah, how by some miracle she’s come through her illness in one piece” Debbie looks directly at her tears brimming in her eyes “What if our luck has run out and mum pays the price” 

Vanessa reaches for her hand squeezing it softly as she keeps her voice steady, hoping that her own fear is hidden in her voice. 

“She’s going to be ok” 

“But what if she’s not” 

Debbie’s voice hitches as the tears catch in her throat and Vanessa knows exactly how Debbie feels. The fear is also threatening to consume her but she won’t allow it. Her brain cannot possibly fathom a world in which Charity Dingle does not exist. It burns deeply in her stomach that awful dread that if anything happens to Charity Vanessa will never have had the chance to live out the rest of her days with the love of her life. 

“She will be, there are things I need to do in life and they involve her” 

Debbie looks at her curiously until her face softens, understanding clear in her eyes and it causes Vanessa to blush. 

“What?”

“Nothing I’m just glad mum’s got you that’s all” 

Vanessa just blushes harder and she’s grateful when the nurse appears in front of them smiling hesitantly. 

“Miss Dingle can I have a moment?” 

With a panicked look to Vanessa Debbie nods jerkily before following the nurse out of the corridor into a side office. Vanessa lets out a deep breath before she slumps back into the chair, rubbing the heels of her palms into her tired eyes trying only to think that the nurse has come with positive news. 

“Ness?” 

She blinks the exhaustion away as best she can and smiles, poor Noah looks dead on his feet, his gangly body leaning awkwardly against the door frame. 

“Where’s Debbie?” 

“Speaking with the nurse” 

Noah nods once then begins to fidget, before Vanessa can ask what’s wrong he speaks again. 

“Will you sit with Mum while I go the loo?” 

Nodding while ignoring the well of affection she feels towards her girlfriends son in that moment she stands up giving Noah a quick squeeze to his shoulder as she does. He smiles at her gratefully, glances back at Charity for a second before darting down the corridor. 

Vanessa avoids looking at Charity as she settles into the chair Noah has vacated. The rhythmic sound of the heart monitor and ventilator is both soothing and unnerving and keeping her eyes firmly lowered she takes a deep steadying breath before cautiously looking up. Her girlfriends gorgeous blond locks are streaked with dried blood it’s the first thing she had noticed when she glanced through the door earlier and it’s the first thing she notices now. It’s the deep red in contrast to the vivid blonde but at least now her face has been cleaned of the excess blood. She has a row of stitches across her right eyebrow, it’ll scar Vanessa’s sure of it, and her eye has blacked. Her right ankle is slightly elevated, badly fractured but not broken luckily and Vanessa already knows that her girlfriend is going to whine and whinge about the corrective boot she will be forced to wear. 

The surgery to mend her punctured lung was a success, when Debbie spoke to the nurse as they settled Charity into the ICU they where relieved to hear the first positive bit of news since arriving. Charity will be sore and bruised; her recovery will be slow but she’s still alive and Vanessa is praying she will remain so, that’s all that she cares about. Now that the initial panic and adrenaline has worn off all Vanessa can feel is exhaustion, so far Charity is here and fighting and that’s all she wants to continue. 

Gently she takes Charity’s left hand and tangles their fingers together trying not to tighten her hold too much. Her thumb automatically begins to rub up and down the back of Charity’s. She doesn’t want her girlfriend to think she’s alone and she hopes it brings her comfort. She gets lost in the rhythmic action her eyes glazing over, the minutes ticking by unnoticed. 

“Vanessa do you wanna stay there?” 

Noah’s back, Debbie behind him and she wonders how long they have been stood there when she takes in their matching gentle smiles. 

“No, no I can wait outside” 

She stands up abruptly but doesn’t let go of Charity’s hand it’s as though her body isn’t answering her brains commands. Debbie shakes her head gently before she disappears reappearing a moment later with a chair in her arms. Noah sits at Charity’s left as Debbie drops herself next to him into the newly acquired chair. 

“I’ve told the nurse we’re staying here for the night” 

“Does Chas know?”

“I’ve sent her a text and one to Lisa” 

“What about Cain?” 

“I will tell him in the morning once I -, Vanessa you can sit down” 

Vanessa feels slightly overwhelmed she had been expecting cold shoulders and empty platitudes, she’s just the girlfriend after all and she’s touched at the support from both Debbie and Noah. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Mum would want you here and so do we”

It’s Noah who speaks and she cannot find the words to express how much those words mean coming from him. 

“Thank you, did the nurse give you any more details?” 

“She’s stable, they are going to do another scan in the morning then they’ll be able to give us more details. It’s looking positive though” 

Vanessa lets out a shaky laugh as both Debbie and Noah grin widely. Turning to look at Charity the relief threatens to overwhelm her and tears build in her eyes. Gently she presses a kiss to Charity’s forehead, careful to avoid the fresh stitches, letting her lips linger as she squeezes her hand softly. 

“Keep fighting for us yeah love?” 

With shaking legs she falls back into her chair her body becoming heavy and lethargic. Noah and Debbie continue to chat in hushed tones and Vanessa imagines that it brings Charity comfort to know that two of her four children are at her bedside. Gently she squeezes the hand still in her own taking immense comfort from the warmth before she resumes the steady stroke of her thumb. She knows the action will send her to sleep and finally giving in to the exhaustion, she places her head on the bed next to Charity’s hand and allows the hum of the voices around her to lull her to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final update, I thought this little fic just needed a small chapter to finish it off properly.

“Oh for goodness sake Charity just sit down!” 

Vanessa is trying to be patient, she really is but the frustration she has felt since they arrived home is beginning to show. Since they set foot into The Woolpack Charity has been refusing to stay put, limping around with a face like thunder. The noise of her crutches scraping the floor is already driving her mad and she’s almost certain Charity is exaggerating the noise on purpose. 

“I was only trying to make a brew-“

“Why didn’t you just ask me for one?!” 

“I’m not a bloody invalid!” 

The rage across Charity’s features is raw and she coughs hard from raising her voice, her breath rattling in her chest. Vanessa forces away her own anger that is bubbling under the surface, worry rising to the forefront instead. She can understand her girlfriend’s frustration; she’s sore, not sleeping well and bored a lethal combination resulting in one very unhappy Charity Dingle. She has been confined to Hotten General for 9 days, awake for 6 and after the initial joy at returning home she now feels as though The Woolpack is just the next part of an extended sentence. 

“I know you’re not” 

Her soft words seem to take the wind from Charity’s sails and she lets out a deep huff before flopping down onto couch heavily groaning as the action aggravates her side. Vanessa moves so that she’s perched on the arm next to her and begins playing with the ends of long blonde curls. 

“We’re just enforcing the hospitals orders” 

“Yeah well I’m fine now aren’t I, I’m not going to drop dead just because I’ve flicked the kettle on”

Vanessa swallows hard, although her girlfriend is well on the road to recovery, all joking aside, Charity is lucky to be alive. If the fire brigade and ambulance hadn’t got to her and Noah when they had there would have been a very high possibility of Charity bleeding out before she could get to surgery. While she was in the hospital Vanessa was confident about her recovery process now that she’s back home the worry is setting in. It’s down to them now no watchful nurses there to impose the rules.

“Your stitches are still healing so please don’t overdo it” 

She knows she can’t stop Charity from doing anything if she really has her mind set on it but Vanessa lets the worry she feels bleed into her voice. She’s not above a bit of emotional blackmail. Charity rolls her eyes in response before she rests her head in Vanessa’s lap grunting as she does. She’s tired, Vanessa knows it but she also knows Charity won’t rest not unless she physically passes out, she’s so determined to show that she’s ok. 

“Are you hungry?” 

A small shake of the head is all she gets in response and Vanessa rubs her thumb across Charity’s brow before she cups her cheek gently. 

“Let me finish making that brew” 

She moves into the kitchen trying to ignore the pained groan coming from Charity as she settles herself into the couch corner. She should be in bed but Vanessa knows better than to make such a suggestion. Once finished she carries the steaming mugs back over to Charity, placing hers within reach on the coffee table before she settles at the end of the couch under Charity’s legs. 

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Took the day off” 

“Vanessa-“ 

“No before you start I want to be here alright, you’re finally home why on earth would I want to be anywhere else?” 

She smirks in victory as Charity does not answer her grin only widening when Charity rolls her eyes at her before reaching for her tea. She winces, the pained gasp choking out before she sucks in a deep breath. Vanessa’s fingers turn white as she grips her mug to stop herself from reaching forwards, her help will not be appreciated. 

“Oh come home have you?” 

Both of their heads turn towards the door at Chas’s voice Charity’s looks to her in confusion but before Vanessa can speak the door opens and Noah slopes in moodily. At first he doesn’t look at them, too engrossed in his phone but then he looks up and a smile blooms across his face. It only lasts for a second before it’s replaced by a quick flash of apprehension before he turns to Vanessa as he scowls heavily. 

“You didn’t tell me you were back” 

“I told you I was picking your mum up today and we would be home before you” 

“Does Debbie know she’s here?” 

She winces and he notices scoffing, a mirror image of his mother when she’s disappointed but covering it with anger. 

“I just sent her a quick text so that she didn’t waste time on a trip Hotten it’s not because I forgot about you Noah” 

She looks at him intensely willing him to see she’s telling the truth, he stares back long enough to make her twitch slightly before his scowl recedes and he gives a half shrug. 

“Alright” 

Charity looks between them curiously but Vanessa just smiles. Noah has spent every night since the accident, bar the first one, at her house. It had come as a shock that he had readily agreed with little persuasion to spend a few days on a blow up bed in her living room. Moses had come as well, tucked in with Johnny the pair of them giggling away together thrilled with the idea of a sleepover every night. Tracy had been helping look after the little two while herself and Noah have made the trip to the hospital together most nights and it has given them time to bond. 

That first night Vanessa hadn’t slept, her body physically ached to back in the chair at Charity’s bedside. It had been Noah who had pulled her away, when the nurse had informed them in no uncertain terms that now Charity was stable normal visiting hours must be adhered to. Without him guiding her Vanessa’s almost certain she wouldn’t have been able to leave. It had felt so wrong after her promise to herself that she would always be by Charity’s side, leaving her alone while vulnerable was a burden on her soul. It had been around four in the morning when she had heard the soft sound of the chair being pulled out downstairs. She knew it was Noah, there had been no footsteps on the stairs, and she had agonised for a good five minutes on what to do. In the end her urge to help could not be contained and she had made her way down the stairs before she could change her mind. Finding Noah sobbing silently at her kitchen table had been heartbreaking but it had been the conversation afterwards that had caused her the most upset. 

“I just want her home Ness, I just want her home and then I can say sorry, I can say I’m so sorry. I never wanted her hurt Ness I swear

She had wrapped him in her arms and promised him that everything would be alright, it wasn’t his fault, that Charity would be Home soon and everything would turn out for the better. Now watching Noah hover nervously behind the couch, not quite meeting his mothers gaze, she’s not quite certain how this is going to pan out. 

“Any suggestions for tea? And don’t say pizza I’ll turn into a bloomin’ pizza if we eat any more of it” 

Noah smirks before shrugging his shoulders in that aggravating teenage manner. 

“Not bothered, whatever. Is Debs coming?” 

Vanessa shakes her head “Not today they’ll be here tomorrow when I go back to work” 

“I don’t need flamin babysitting!” 

The venom is back but Vanessa just glares sternly until Charity’s pouting, looking uncannily like Moses when he doesn’t get his way. 

“Your daughter and grandchildren are coming to see you because they’re relieved you are now well enough to be back home so you can stop being so difficult about people coming to visit” 

Charity rolls her eyes letting out an aggrieved sigh and Vanessa waves a finger in her direction. 

“With the size of your family there’ll probably be a Dingle a day for at least the next week so I’d get used to the idea of visitors and quickly if I where you” 

Noah laughs as Charity slumps back chastised and she turns to him with mock hurt across her features. 

“And just whose side are you on babe?” 

“Vanessa’s she’s been feeding me pizza for a week” 

Feeling horror at Noah confessing their secret she turns to Charity with wide eyes. 

“Not every night and Moses has been eating the same as Johnny they’ve had fruit and vegetables as well honest” 

Noah snorts “Like mum cares about fruit and vegetables” 

Charity just laughs loudly “Not quite so perfect are you Miss Woodfield and excuse me I do care about the occasional healthy eating thank you” 

“You bribe me with chocolate” 

“Anymore secrets you would like to confess Noah?” 

Charity stares at him with narrowed eyes but he just laughs as he shakes his head causing Charity to grin in response. It warms Vanessa’s heart looking at them. 

“Any preference on what we have for tea Charity?” 

“As long as it is something with a bit of crunch I’m not bothered, I think hospital caterers presume everybody in a hospital bed has either no teeth or no taste buds with the muck they serve in there” 

Charity shudders exaggeratedly and it sends Noah snorting with laughter. Charity turns to him with mirth in her eyes as she points in his direction dramatically. 

“Hey you can stop your laughing if it hadn’t have been for you I wouldn’t have had to put up with the joys of Hotten General” 

Noah reels back as though he has been slapped, the colour draining from his face turning his pallor a sickly white. Vanessa feels the dread wash over her as Charity’s eyes widen and she looks at him with panic across her features. 

“I just meant cause of picking you up from football babe”

Noah shakes his head jerkily his body trembling and Vanessa goes to reach for him her heart aching. 

“Noah I was just kidding alright, just a joke that’s all, none of this was your fault”

Noah closes his eyes tight shaking his head before he bolts upstairs the door slamming shut with an echoing bang. Charity turns to look at her regret clear across her features and Vanessa lets out a weary sigh. 

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded you know that right babe?” 

“Yeah love” 

Charity lets out a frustrated breath and Vanessa comes and settles at the side of her taking her hand in her own. 

“Why do I always say the wrong thing with him” 

“Have you spoken to Noah about the accident?” 

Charity averts her eyes looking sheepish and Vanessa knows the answer before she sees the shake of Charity’s head. 

“He thinks it’s his fault” 

“That’s ridiculous” 

“I agree but he says if he hadn’t been arguing with you, you wouldn’t have been distracted. When we followed the ambulance to Hotten all he kept saying was it would be his fault if you died” 

Charity looks stricken and she turns to look at the door avoiding Vanessa’s eyes as she speaks. 

“I thought I was, going to die I mean” 

Vanessa’s breath hitches and she squeezes the hand in her own hard grounding herself in Charity’s touch. 

“I told him I loved him, to tell Debs and Moses as well, I knew it was frightening him as I was saying it but I needed him to hear it. I do love them, l know I don’t show it well but I really do” 

Vanessa gulps hard causing Charity to roll her eyes softly “I love you an all”

“I know that you daft sod it’s not that it’s just hard to hear you talk like this that’s all. It just brings it back, how close I was to losing you” 

“Yeah well I’m here aren’t I and I’m going nowhere babe, neither are you” 

It makes her chuckle and she leans into Charity’s side snuggling close, relishing the feel of her girlfriend against her. She has missed their cuddles so much and she doesn’t plan on ever going without them for this long ever again. 

“You need to speak with him” 

Charity doesn’t answer, when she looks up she’s chewing her lip and ignoring her gaze.

“Charity I’ve tried and he isn’t listening he needs to hear it from you” 

“It’s hard with Noah” 

“You are too alike” 

“He’s a stroppy, moody teenager how is that like me?” 

Vanessa snorts before wiggling her eyes in amusement “Just replace teenager with middle aged woman and that’s you alright” 

“Cheeky cow” 

“I’ll go and get him shall I? I need to go and pick the boys up from nursery anyway” 

Charity shrugs one shoulder and Vanessa knows thats the only confirmation she will receive. As she stands she presses a kiss to Charity’s cheek before she heads to the bottom of the stairs intent on helping both mother and son sort through their issues. 

————————————————————

“For this to work Noah we have to actually open our mouths and you know use words” 

She’s already sounding irritated and it makes him cringe, he knows she’s sore and tired which considering his mothers normal temperament is not helping matters at all but he doesn’t know how to begin. His anger flares for a minute, at Vanessa for making him come downstairs, at his mum for not understanding how hard this is and at himself for not being able to just talk to her. It causes him to scowl heavily but he watches closely as his mums expression softens. 

“I’m sorry” 

“What for?” 

“Always snapping” 

“S’alright” 

He shrugs his shoulders and averts his eyes it’s not but he doesn’t know what to say. He never does and that’s half of the problem between them. He’s distracted by a pained hiss and when he looks up his mum is awkwardly settling into the chair across from him at the kitchen table. 

“Vanessa will go mad at you not staying put” 

“Ness isn’t here” 

He smirks when he thinks of Vanessa of how such a tiny person can have such a formidable temper. She’s good for his mum and Noah hopes that she’ll stick around for good. After this last week he’s starting to believe her when she says she’s in it for the long haul. 

“It’s not your fault Noah” 

“I said awful things to you” 

His mums nods but her expression doesn’t change “You did but I think I needed to hear some of it” 

He looks at her not really sure how to respond but it doesn’t seem to matter. She reaches for his hand and he allows her to loosely link their fingers. 

“I crashed the car because I took the corner too fast, that is on me” he goes to interrupt but she holds her hand up understanding in her eyes “Yes I was distracted by our argument but I should have pulled over and talked instead of us just yelling at each other” 

“But-“ 

“Noah I started shouting which made you shout back, the accident it was my fault babe so you can stop worrying ok” 

He can see the sincerity in her eyes and the understanding and his fears ebb away under her gaze. 

“I was so scared mum” 

She pushes the chair back and gestures with her hands and he moves forward wrapping his arms around her gently. 

“I won’t break” 

She hugs him tighter to her and he lets out a relieved sigh, she’s home, she going to be alright and she doesn’t blame him. It’s an overwhelming combination of relief and for a moment he feels light headed. 

“Love you” 

He mumbles it quietly feeling his ears burn with embarrassment, his mates would lynch him if they knew he uttered such words but right now after what has happened he needs to tell her. 

“Yeah? I love you an all” 

“About what I said-“ 

“I don’t prefer the others over you Noah” 

He blushes because he feels silly the words sound childish and petulant but he cannot deny the feelings he has that whisper in his ear when he’s feeling pushed out.

“You are right though you get overlooked babe because until you’re in trouble I don’t need to worry about you the same” 

He looks up shocked he had expected her to deny it and she looks at him sheepishly. 

“You’ve always been the easiest, the most independent and I’m sorry you feel as though you get shoved to one side. I’m going make sure that changes alright?” 

He nods against her shoulder before he pulls back making sure to meet her eyes. 

“What I said about you only caring about yourself, I don’t really believe that. I know you love us and Vanessa” 

She blushes and rolls her eyes but she nods with a gruff “Well I do” it makes him chuckle and she prods him in the side in retaliation. He knows she hates talking about emotions, so does he and sometimes it makes it easier knowing she’s as uncomfortable as he is. 

“You gonna be alright?” 

She shoves at his shoulder as she grins but he’s being serious needing the reassurance after the horror of the last week. He wouldn’t believe she was going to be alright until she was home, watching her in agony in the hospital had done nothing to dispel his fears. He seemed to be the only one who still couldn’t relax even though the nurses had said she was well on the road to recovery. 

“Mum..” 

Dragging him forwards she presses a noisy kiss to his forehead before chuckling loudly as he pulls back scrubbing at his head. 

“Yeah babe I’m going to be just fine”


End file.
